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Expectation management for lazy people

“Expectation Management” is a nasty technique used on us by “them” in the rich corporations: if they can make us want the crap they sell, then we’ll be happy and buy more of it.

Good news: you, now a seasoned Master of Laziness, can use this technique for yourself!

This is about managing your ambitions. Most people think in terms of means rather than ends. They think what they really want is power or lots of money, fast cars, sexy partners and so on, but what they really want is the satisfaction and pleasure that these things might bring. This is a key thing for the aspiring lazy person to learn and base their life on.

And what is more, all the things people want come with a cost - a million pound yacht needs to be kept somewhere and looked after, a string of sexy partners can get quite demanding, large bank balances or fame attract people who want a share. And of course many of these things aren’t so good for the environment and other people either, and they often don’t even bring much real happiness: look at all the rich film stars and pop stars addicted to drugs, locked away in giant mansions. No thanks!

With a little lazy thought, ambitions can be achieved without a high cost and without “selling yourself short” either: useful techniques are to think things like “I want to travel”, rather than deciding exactly where, or “I want to be an expert in my field”, “I want to manage people”, “I want to run a business”. You can get to the top without cracking eggs, as the saying goes. It’s just a matter of thinking sensibly about what the top is.

In the end, a person who is poor but happy is the winner every time - if you can get to the end of your life having owned just a few possessions, and you’ve had good friends and a happy life - no regrets, good sleep, good diet and happy memories, you’ve won! You’ve got more than all the kings and princes and presidents and stars, tycoons, generals, athletes, gangsters and the rest.

A religious man who was in prison wrote “I have learnt to be content, whatever situation I am in.” A true laziness expert!

At the risk of sounding a bit religious, all that matters really is loving each other. Everything else is just totally pointless, and a real waste of effort for us lazy types. Of course, I appreciate the people who make the art we enjoy, or discover great ways of being lazy, or better ways to be healthy, or save people from other people’s mistakes, but they’re doing these things because they want to do them; because it satisfies them. I call that being “motivated by love”.

So beware of any thought that starts “I’ll be happy when …” You need to accept that you probably won’t. Work out how to be happy now preferably in a way that makes other people happy too, and not at the expense of someone else.